thoughtfulness

Fulfillment

August 7, 2011 by kalani

Remember the feeling of excitement when you experience something for the first time? It might be receiving a gift, going to a place you've never been, or meeting someone new. The state of experiencing 'newness' often sparks our interest and boosts our energy level as we explore and find our way.

The energy we feel when discovering something 'new' is largely a result of being in a state of 'flow,' an in-the-moment awareness that places us 'at the edge' of time. When we are in-the moment, we're not thinking about the past or future and we can take in everything that life offers up as it happens.

Remember the first time you road a bicycle, drove a car, or flew in an airplane? Can you imagine having that feeling again when doing those things? if not, why not? Why do we sometimes find things that once excited us, not as fulfilling? If we're experiencing the same thing, why do we not feel as interested or excited about it?

As humans, we're always looking for something new and novel. Our minds enjoy a mystery, a puzzle, and a problem to solve. We love to figure things out and explore what's new. When we become familiar with something, we tend to 'check it off' in out mind as 'been there done that.' This thinking is at the core of boredom. Boredom is the state of not seeing the amazing world that is right in front of you, largely because you think you already know everything there is to know about it. How odd, given that each day, each moment is new.

If you're bored with the world, chances are the feeling is mutual.

Through repeated exposure to things or ideas, we can become numb to them. We see the same things passing through our awareness and sooner or later, we stop noticing them. We become numb to the reality around us and search for things that are 'new' and 'different.' We ride bicycles, drive our cars, fly in planes, and not only are we often not excited about it, we find things to complain about. "the brakes squeak," "the oil needs changing," "the flight is delayed." When did riding a bicycle, driving a car, and riding in a plane become work? – when you stopped appreciating how amazing it is to have those opportunities.

We take so many things for granted, and sometimes the more we get, the less we appreciate it. We turn a faucet and clean, drinkable water comes out - even hot water. We flick on a switch and light fills the room. We turn a knob and the temperature of the air changes to make us more comfortable. We dial some numbers into a palm-sized device and in a moment, we're talking to someone half-way around the world. Do we show amazement for these miracles each time we experience them? Most people don't, but we certainly are upset when they don't happen!

Think gas prices are high? Want to get more for your money? Here's what you can do: The next time you get in your car to drive, notice how amazing it is that you can actually get into a little box on wheels, press a button, turn some knobs and flick some switches, and find yourself propelled (powerfully) down the road. Remember the feeling of the first time you drove. Renew your appreciation for the current moment in which you are gifted with the opportunity to do it again and again. The driving doesn't change, only your perception of what it means.

By really appreciating the opportunities in your life, you gain fulfillment of that life.

It doesn't matter how many 'new' or 'valuable' things you chase down or capture. Someone can fill a room in their house with money and after the novelty has worn off, after they have taken their tenth 'money bath,' after they have shown all their friends, after they have looked through the door a hundred times, sooner or later it will just be a room full of clutter. It's the not the 'having' that brings fulfillment, but the 'playing of the game.'

Let things pass through your hands, rather than holding on to them. Feel the joy in each moment as life presents you with opportunities and experiences. Appreciate doing everything you do, even if you've done it for years. Experience each time like the first time. It is!

Thoughtfulness Practices:

The next time you use an appliance or tool, take time to appreciate the person who designed it, the person who built it, and the opportunity you have to use it. As you work, imagine NOT having it and be grateful for it.

The next time you ride a bicycle, drive a car, or fly in an airplane, consider how amazing it is to have that opportunity. Think about what it would be like to NOT have it and be grateful. Think about all the people who made that experience possible and thank them in your own way. Live with gratitude for every opportunity you get and your life with be FULFILLING.

What do you relate to most about this article? Share your thoughts below or share it with a friend.

Stories

August 1, 2011 by kalani

You may not realize it, but you think in stories.

The 'events' in our lives are stored in our minds (and to some degree in our bodies as well), able to be recalled and shared through what I call "storying," – the act of reciting past events and thoughts within the context of a conversation.

Maybe you know someone who often thinks and communicates through story. Maybe that someone is you! 'Storying' is quite common and often includes narrative, such as "I said..." and "then she said...,' etc.. It's a way to bring out detail, take the listener into one's world, and convey information. Where storying can become problematic with regards to Thoughtfulness, is when it is done unconsciously, without taking the listener or the context of the conversation into consideration.

What is unconscious storying?

Often, when talking to someone else, there is an exchange of ideas, thoughts, information, etc. This exchange, to be meaningful, follows a logical path from topic to topic, connected through 'bridges' of thought that span various subject matter and address the aspects of the participants.

Because of the power of the associative mind, the process of connecting one thing to another by identifying commonalities between things, ideas, or emotions, it is possible to quickly link to a story that may or may not have relevance in the present context of a conversation.

Something you can try, is to focus your attention on any item in the area where you are right now. Identify one thing, then see what your mind does. If you're like most people, you will be re-minded of at least one past event that involved an associated item. If you tell someone (or yourself) about the events that you associate with that item, you have created a story. Most of us have many stories we can tell about a particular item or idea. They often include times when we were having an emotional peak or valley (since those events tend to be imprinted on multiple levels; cognitive, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.)

One question we can ask ourselves is: "What is the purpose of my story in this moment?"

Often times, we tell a story simply because we're reminded of it. Sometimes, we even change the subject of a conversation to tell one of our stories. Sometimes we find ourselves waiting for the other person to leave a break in their story so we can tell ours! The process that results in our telling of a particular story has to do with two at least two aspects; 1) our perspective and 2) our orientation.

Perspective is the way we view something. Is the glass half-filled or half-emptied? Orientation is the way we view most things. Is life a struggle or an adventure?

Perspective is shaped by one's knowledge, values, beliefs, and ability to become aware of the many aspects of a thing or idea.A perspective may be broad or narrow. It may be deep or shallow. And it is almost always shaped by our orientation.

Orientation is shaped by combining multiples of the same perspective. Over time, we may choose to view things a certain way. This 'way of seeing' eventually becomes our primary way of seeing, to the point where our compass shifts, "True North" actually moves, and our ability to see the world 'as it is' is all but a fantasy, although ironically, we are often confident in what we see as truth.

Thoughtfulness seeks to re-orient the individual through cognitive mindfulness practices designed to increase functional perspective. Over time, the individual regains his/her orientation with the world and finds peace where there was once conflict and confusion.

How can we become more conscious of our use of story?

Individuals can use a Thoughtfulness Practice to gain insight into their choice of story, which intern will inform positive changes. Noticing associative patterns that result in story choices is the beginning to positive change. Managing one's stories and using them in a respectful manner is one goal of Thoughtfulness.

When we become aware of the forces behind our stories, we gain the capacity to shape our perspective and ultimately, our orientation. When we orient ourselves with the nature of the universe, which is love, we find ourselves, and in that we find both peace and power.

A Thoughtfulness Practice:

When in conversation with someone, note their use of story, paying particular attention to their perspective with regards to what is important to them. Observe how this relates to their overall orientation. Note how you use story, your perspective and orientation. Ask yourself:

- Why did I choose the stories I did?
- What about each story is important to me?
- What effect did my stories have on my emotions?
- What did I learn about my perspective and orientation?
- What would I change the next time to move my orientation in a positive direction?

More about stories

The stories we repeatedly tell ourselves and others about our lives shape and inform the quality of those lives. Some of a person's stories are self-created, but many (more than you might think) are provided to the person from birth. Stories about race, gender, religion, and other traits are embedded by parents, authority figures, and society in general. In some cases, stories about one's family or culture can change one's perspective and orientation to the point where he/she is not fully connecting with people (or the world in general) in an authentic way.

Becoming aware of our inherited and 'borrowed' stories can be a vital step in achieving a state of mindfulness and inner- and outer-peace. Other practices that relate to all types of stories will be addressed in other posts. Stay tuned!

The Functional Mind

July 21, 2011 by kalani

Maintaining a mindful state can be challenging, given all the possible events and situations that have the potential to lead our attention away from the present moment and into the future or past. Even with a solid meditative practice, such as yoga, sitting meditation, playing music, or gardening, mindfulness practitioners are challenged in each moment to remain attentive to the here and now. This is normal and not something to seek to change, for it is the natural state of an active mind to want to do the work of the mind. One of the keys to achieving a higher level of mindfulness is through an understanding and acceptance of the function of the mind.

Everyone is raised with the knowledge that they indeed have a mind. We all know this and we talk about our minds, what they do, how they work, what they are capable of, etc. There have been, and will continue to be, discussions about how the mind processes various types of sensory input and which types of thinking (analytical or creative) take up the 'space' of the mind (which 'side' is used, etc.). While all this might be useful on various levels and at various times, there's something that most people have never been taught, which, when you consider how much we tend to identify with our minds, appears to be a glaring oversight.

Most of us have never been taught how to use our minds.

Using the mind, in this sense, is not referring to the process of thinking, such as in critical or analytical thought processes. It's considering the mind as a tool for thinking, learning about its strengths and weaknesses, and making adjustments in our own thought processes that account for those weaknesses. In other words, we can learn to use our minds to better serve our needs and not get too caught up in the processes of thought that tend to cause confusion and anxiety.

The Roles of the Mind.

The first step in developing the Thoughtfulness Practice of "Functional Mind" is to come to understand the mind not as the self, but as a tool the self may use. Any tool has design and functionality, and while some tools may be used for multiple purposes, there is a range where its functionality is high and applications where it is low or altogether ineffective.

With the "my mind is a tool" concept in place, let us consider three primary functions of the mind. Granted there are many more, but these three will serve our purposes.

1. The Mind Identifies

One of the main roles of the mind is to identify "things" based on the data that is collected through the sense. When we move through the world, the mind is busy categorizing the "stuff" in the environment. It's scanning the visual, auditory, olfactory, and tactile landscape for patterns, shapes, sounds, smells, and textures that will inform us as to exactly "where we are" and "what is around us." This is useful and necessary information for us to navigate, find what we need, and avoid dangers.

When we are born, our "identification system" has almost no way of categorizing anything. We're basically helpless and have to rely on others to keep us safe, fed, and comfortable. We eventually learn to identify things through repetition, language, and finding commonalities between new and previous experiences.

The identification process takes most of us only a few micro seconds in many cases. We don't need to think about wether something is a tree or not, unless it's part of an abstract painting, combined with other things, or a version of a tree that we've never seen before. The identification process happens through what could be thought of as a flow chart, moving from general to specific. When something enters into our senses, our mind begins the identification process, starting with general categories and moving to more specific ones. It might take this form: Object, large, big on top, straight on bottom, branches and leaves, trunk, [Tree], small green leaves, complex branches, acorns on ground [Oak Tree], very large for oak = very old, [Very Old Oak Tree.]

The more details we can process, the more specific our thinking becomes. The more specific our thinking, the greater the potential for cross-referencing it with other data. I'll discuss this in more detail in another article. For the purposes of the current discussion, al that really matters is that we acknowledge the mind's ability to function as an identifier, one that uses a process of progressive categorization, based on prior knowledge and experience.

2. The Mind Associates

Believe it or not, one of the functions of your mind that sets you apart from just about every other animal on the earth, is its ability to make associations. As a tool, your mind makes connections (associations) between just about everything it experiences. An association is made between two or more things when the mind finds similarities, commonalities, and even differences between them. Because people tend to connect two things through making associations (in their mind), such as between races, gender, age groups, sexual orientation, etc., we have developed certain laws that forbid the practice of acting on those associations in certain situations, such as in the workplace or public institutions. Such is the power of the mind to connect two things that might be related in only the most distant of ways.

If we were to create a visual representation of this process, we would call it a 'mind map.' Mind maps have been used and developed to help facilitate the creative process and demonstrate just how many connections the mind can create between a central concept (the starting point) and anything else that could possibly be associated with that concept through finding commonalities. For example, if my central idea is an apple, I could associate that with pie, teachers, computers, the garden of Eden, worms, bobbing, etc. It's easy to continue from their to all sorts of other areas, creating a vast web of bridges between what could quickly include hundreds or even thousands of items and concepts.

It is the associative process that is at the core of understanding the mind as a tool.

Becoming aware of this process is the first step. Using this function of the mind to serve your needs is the second. Not allowing this process to get out of hand and create confusion, conflict, and anxiety is the ultimate goal. For now, let us understand that this process is happening.

3. The Mind Stores and Retrieves.

Of course, when we think about the mind, we think about memory. Our ability to store and recall information is also what sets humans apart from many other life forms. It's not a unique feature, for it could be argued that virtually all manifestations (things) are capable of maintaining some form of memory, whether it be a fossil inside a rock, marks on the bark of a tree, or a thought, an emotion, or even a feeling in the mind/body. Our minds are vast storage areas where the estimated 100 billion* neurons store and maintain the data collected throughout our lives.

Studies have shown that, although most people believe that their memories (stored data) are accurate, this is often not the case. This could be partially due to the fact that every experience is a personal one and that it's very difficult to agree on what happens exactly. Changing memories can also be due to loss or misplacement of data. And, because the mind makes associations between things that it identifies, it will continue to work with stored data, creating new relationships between the things and concepts that exist in its memory banks. This phenomenon, of the mind working in the background, leads to what some call "Aha moments," where a puzzle is suddenly solved, seemingly without conscious effort.

What's importnat to understand when thinking of the mind as a storage tool, is that it is not 100% reliable in all cases. There are instances where data is lost, corrupted, changed, and associated with other data to the point where the original experience or idea is all but lost. Understanding the limits of memory is another key to using the mind as a functional tool.

Within the Thoughtfulness Practice, the practitioner acknowledges the mind as a functional tool, understanding that its main roles are to identify, associate, and store data. To the extent that these functions serve the person and allow him/her to lead a happy productive life, the mind serves its purpose. When these functions are allowed to drive the person's life, unmonitored, unregulated, and without awareness, they can lead to confusion, misunderstanding, and conflict.

One of the goals of the Thoughtfulness Practice is to provide ways for the person to use the mind as a tool, taking advantage of its strengths, while at the same time, understanding its functionality, limitations, and weaknesses.

* retrieved on 7-21-2011 from: http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2002/AniciaNdabahaliye2.shtml

Feeling the Feeling

June 29, 2011 by kalani

You're laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. It's already been an hour since you turned out the light and your mind is racing. You feel awake and even energized. Sometimes you even feel more energetic than you did at bedtime. You begin to worry about not getting enough sleep and feeling tired the next day, which only seems to add to your anxiety. What is it? Why is this happening? - You ask yourself. You scan your mind for something specific, something to tie to this state, a reason for feeling this tension, but you can't come up with anything that seems that important.

If this sounds familiar, even if it only happens once in a while, read on.

What is happening in this situation, is that you are having a physical response to mental activity. You are thinking yourself into an excited state. You're probably aware of that, but you might not know how to manage the process, otherwise you would!

What we often try to do when we find ourselves in the above situation, is 1) try to find the 'reason' for our overactive mind, and 2) participate in relaxation exercises to help ourselves fall asleep. While there's no harm in doing either of these, neither of them effectively addresses the main issue, which is that something is happening inside our bodies that we can't seem to manage. Finding the 'reason' for the tension might make you feel better in that you were able to link it to something identifiable, but it probably won't make the actual feeling go away. Approaching it from a somatic (body) process, might help for a few minutes, but it doesn't address the source, only the symptoms.

There's another way. It's called "Feeling the Feeling."

Feelings are the bridge between the mind and the body. We have them based on our thoughts and also based on what happens to our bodies. We can have them as a part of a memory or by themselves - possibly triggered due to an unconscious thought (memory). What's important in times of anxiety, is not that we are able to find reasons or remedies for our pain, but that we connect to it. Yes! connect to it. Rather than telling ourselves that something is wrong, which only tends to add to our suffering, do the opposite.

Invite the feeling into your body. Why? Because feelings are there for a reason. Feelings are meant to be felt. That is their way of moving through the body. When we suppress them or have an aversion to feeling them, they tend to stay where they are and nothing much changes. When we "invite the feeling in" what often happens is that it simply dissipates. I realize that this seems counterintuitive. You might think that by focusing on the feeling, it would only grow and become unbearable, but more often than not, the opposite is true.

When a feeling is invited into the body, to be fully felt, it's like allowing someone tell you something they've been wanting to tell you. Have you ever just wanted someone to listen to you - without interrupting, judging, or rebutting your words? When we can "speak our mind" we often feel a great sense of relief. Often, we're not really looking for a solution to a perceived problem, but just to be heard, to get it out. Well, it's the same for your body, except in this case, it's an aspect of yourself that needs you to listen. Rather than the message coming to you through words, it comes in the form of a feeling, the body's language.

When we accept our bodies request to be heard by 'Feeling the Feeling,' the energy that was surrounding that need usually evaporates with the expression. This is why it's important to not only allow the feeling to exist, but to actually invite it in. To say to it, as one might say to a child, "It's OK. What is it? You can tell me." When we show ourselves this kind of tenderness, and understanding, we enter a state of compassion, and through that state, we become wholehearted.

In order to invite the feeling in, we need to be vulnerable, to be open to not knowing the reason, and possibly not having a solution. When we push feelings down and out of our way, we only move them aside temporarily. Because our bodies and minds are resilient and complex, we can do this for some time, but eventually 'unfelt feelings' will manifest in various forms, such as general anxiety, rashes, impatience, and even anger (often related to feelings of a loss of control).

Your Practice:

When you find yourself awake when you would rather be sleeping, ask yourself: "Is there a feeling of energy in my body?" Scan your body in search for anything that feels like it has a charge. Feelings can be anywhere, but they often reside in the chest, abdomen, back, and/or neck. If you don't feel anything specific, just feel the sensation of scanning your body. Feel the feeling of being. Remember to 'invite' the feeling into your body, rather than wishing it were gone. Imagine you are talking to a person (a child perhaps) and think "Yes? What is it? How can I help you?" Let the 'energy' know that "It's OK. You are safe here." Continue to focus on the feeling and have deep compassion for it, as if it were an injured animal that has found its way to your door. Show it love and understanding.

What is really happening?

Through "Feeling the Feeling" we are able to allow expressive precesses to release those energies that are holding us in a nervous state. It's not necessary to know exactly what the feeling was about, only to allow it to be felt. When we show compassion for these parts of ourselves, we embody love and we see ourselves as we truly are. When we see and accept ourselves as we truly are, we often experience a great sense of connection and calm - an aspect of love.

Try this practice and let us know what you discover. Share your questions, thoughts, and insights below.

The Path to Mindfulness

June 27, 2011 by kalani

Mindfulness, the practice of conscious attention to the present moment while maintaining a non-judgmental mindset. This mind state has been to focus of Eastern practitioners for centuries and in recent years, has been of increasing interest in the West, as more and more people search for effective tools to help them cope with and manage what seems like an ever-increasing pace of life.

Neuroscience is examining the effects of conscious thought on people from all walks of life, including those who participate in various psychological therapies and those with specific needs. Studies are beginning to show that there can be measurable benefits from engaging in specific types of meditation practices, many of which include elements of mindfulness. It turns out that our minds are more plastic and receptive to conditioning than previously imagined. By actively participating in various thought processes, we can change our mental and emotional orientation, thereby increasing the quality of our thoughts and our lives. There are many different applications and approaches that incorporate and support mindfulness. Thoughtfulness is one of these approaches.

The Thoughtfulness Approach includes a collection of related practices. Thoughtfulness is based on several assertions that form the foundation of the approach. Some of these include:

The mind is a mechanism that decodes, associates, categorizes, stores, and retrieves data.
The mind produces myriad thoughts that are available for consideration, interpretation, and application.
Thoughts may be categorized according to their type, relevance, and usefulness.
Thoughts may be applied, discarded, stored, or transformed.
Thoughts often produce emotions, which are processed in a way similar to that of data.
Emotions are often felt in the body and may be processed in a number of different ways.
The mind/body is an empathetic system, and responsive to external conditions.
Thoughts and emotions are often over-associatioed and may result in misperceptions and dysfunctional thinking.
Dysfunctional thoughts and emotions may be cleared from the mind/body through the use of phycho-somatic processes, without the use of drugs or invasive procedures.
The tools one needs to effectively manage one's thoughts are universally available, regardless of race, gender, age, socio-economic status and spiritual or religious belief systems.
The Thoughtfulness Practice may be used in conjunction with spiritual and religious systems.

When practiced on a regular basis and with conscious attention, Thoughtfulness has the potential to reduce time spent in states of worry, anxiety, isolation, loneliness, anger, bitterness, depression and fear. Thoughtfulness has the potential to increase enjoyment, raise self-esteem, increase productivity, elevate mood, improve sleep, boost energy levels, and increase a general sense of wellbeing.