Kalani Das

The EVOLVE Podcast

an exploration of mindfulness, spirituality, and conscious living.

Good News and Neurons

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News is what people tell us about what we haven’t experienced. We can improve our life experience, and even our situation, when we consume news in ways that are responsible, nurturing, and beneficial to ourselves and to others.

One of the challenges we face when posed with the question, “What should I believe about what people tell me?” is the fact that we are biologically predisposed to believe what people tell us. As we evolved as humans, we developed the tendency to believe stories about potential dangers over things that were potentially neutral.

Imagine a group of early humans walking through the forest together. All the members are spread out far enough so they can see and hear one another, but not close enough to see and hear the same things. Some of the members hear a sound come from the bushes and quickly need to decide if it could be an animal or not. If it is an animal, is it one they are looking for or one that might be looking for them? Have they found prey or are they about to become prey?

A member of the group closest to the sound decides it’s not worth the risk and starts to run. The others in the group see him running, assuming there is danger, and begin to flee towards safety. They regroup on a nearby hill, ready to defend themselves if needed. Suddenly, a large bird emerges from the bush and flies away. Dinner has eluded them, but everyone is safe.

Our need for safety is often greater than our need to confirm what is actually happening in our environment. We are more likely to believe in potential threats, simply because it’s far more acceptable to lose a meal as opposed to losing one’s life. We are wired for defense and that makes us especially susceptible to what people tell us about what we haven’t experienced. Not believing in potential threats can place us in stressful situations. At the same time, believing in unconfirmed threats can make us fearful, paranoid, and disempowered.

It’s up to each of us to question the news we hear, to seek to confirm what others tell us about what we have not experienced, and to decide for ourselves how to respond, rather than running in fear because we see other people running in fear. Yes, maybe there is a tiger in the bushes waiting to pounce. It’s probably a good idea to remain a safe distance away until that theory can be proved or disapproved.

When we choose to run away from any situation in which we have no first hand experience, not only do we increase our own anxiety due to all the terrible things we imagine, we lose the opportunity to experience the world as it is, to grow and develop, and to nurture and empower ourselves.

When someone tells you story of a terrible danger, rather than running away in fear, thank them for letting you know about a potential danger, then do your best to discover the truth so you can take action based on your authentic experience.

When we breathe, we consume. When we drink, we consume. When we eat, we consume. When we see and here, we consume. Whatever we consume, we add to ourselves in some way, shape, or form. We consume to nurture our bodies and our minds. The quality of what we consume directly affects the quality of our life experience. We are shaped by our environment and our relationship with it.

We are social creatures, sharing a high degree of empathy. It’s quite easy for most of us to imagine the sensations and feelings of other people. When we are exposed to people who are laughing and smiling, we often laugh and smile, even when our experience is brought to us through something as remote as a television or computer screen.

Because our minds are equipped with mirror neurons, it’s fairly easy for most of us to experience reflections of what happens to others within ourselves. If you’ve ever cringed when watching someone else getting physically hurt, you’ve experienced this phenomenon. The question we must ask ourselves is, “Am I making conscious choices about the types of experiences and information I am consuming?” Are you aware of the quality of what you consume?

Other questions might include, “What is the feeling or emotional quality of the experiences I am consuming?” and, “What is the likely impact on my own mood or emotional state as result of watching this content?” and of course, “Is the emotional quality of this content in alignment with my personal needs and goals, in terms of how I want to feel?” Answering these questions will help you improve the quality of whatever it is that you consume.

Not all food feeds your body in ways that are beneficial. All food will shape your body, but not all food will benefit your body. All the stories, news, and information you consume will shape your mind, emotions, and spirit, but only some will be beneficial. Many of us live in environments that have been described as a “food swamps,” areas where there is an over abundance of all types of foods, those of quality and those of little or no quality. The challenge it is not having food to consume, but in finding and consuming the quality food that will lead to a quality life.

Today, many of us experience a news and information swamp environment on a daily basis. The challenge is not to find stories, but rather finding those few stories that have the potential to lead us down paths of discovery towards truly beneficial and authentic experiences.

Is it possible to become mindful of the information you consume? Is it possible to recognize, early on, that a show you’re watching contains content that has nothing to do with your intellectual and emotional goals? Is it possible to reduce the amount of time you spend listening to stories that have little or nothing to do with your day-to-day life and which may be fanning the flames of fear in your heart?

If you don’t take an active role in making choices about the stories and sights you consume, you will be at the mercy of those who may be unaware of the potential damage they are causing in the hearts and minds of their brothers and sisters. This is not about sticking your head in the sand or ignoring information. It’s about taking an active role in what and how you consume what is available to you, seeking first to gather the information that supports your needs and goals, and always investigating every story you hear, so you don’t end up running away from life in fear, but walking towards the unknown, curious, and excited to live more deeply.

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A Natural Practice

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mindfulness-kalani-meditationHold what is but do not hold it to be anything.
Work with all that comes from Heaven, but do not seek to hold it.
Just be empty.

The perfect man’s heart is like a mirror.
It does not search after things.
It does not look for things.
It does not seek knowledge, just responds.
As a result, he can handle everything and is not harmed by anything.

- The Book of Chuang Tzu

They tell us to clear our minds, to empty the space in our heads, to focus on non-thinking. What tool will you use to reach this state, your mind? Will you think your way out of thinking? Will you clear your thoughts with different thoughts? How will you suppress the parade of images that seem to flow freely? Even if you could press a button and reduced the chatter in your mind, how would you guarantee that only the most useful thoughts remain?

If your mind is busy, active, and creative, isn’t this obviously its natural state? If you take the position that your mind is over active, that is should be less active, aren’t you also implying that there is something fundamentally wrong with the way you are? If your position is that you have a fundamental flaw, you will likely spend a vast amount of time and energy trying to change your very nature. This type of approach to creating inner peace and a quality life experience is sure to pose constant challenges, and in many ways, puts you at odds with nature.

How can you expect to create mental harmony when you refuse to accept your fundamental nature? The human design is the product of millions of years of evolution. Is it realistic to take the position that it’s somehow not what it is supposed to be–that we should all be different than we are? Even when taking the view that we are designed intelligently, is seeking a workaround to this design respectful or appropriate?

If your goal is greater mental clarity, harmony, and contentment, then you first need to gain a realistic view of the conditions, challenges, and resources you have to work with.

There’s a better way to create harmony within yourself and between yourself and others–a way that accepts your nature and embraces your ability to move beyond confusion into clarity, harmony, and contentment.

First: Accept the nature of your mind. Rise above the need to view your design as flawed. You are not flawed–you are human. You have a special type of mind that requires an insightful approach to creating inner peace and harmony. Accept your mind as creative, imaginative, busy, and prolific. Celebrate these qualities. Enjoy the richness of your imagination.

Second: Become an observer of your mind. Become curious. Watch your mind like you would the weather. Everything you observe is natural. Accept every thought and feeling as they move through your awareness like the weather moves across the land. Resist the temptation to think of it as anything but natural. Resist the temptation to label thoughts and feelings as good or bad. Resist the temptation to suppress or clear your thoughts. Simply watch the parade with a sense of wonderment.

Third: Choose and use the thoughts that serve your values, leaving the rest behind. Know that most of your thoughts are nothing more than repetitive displays of your imagination, creative possibilities, and improbable scenarios. Be amused, but not annoyed. Be surprised, but not afraid. Be intrigued, but not irritated. Be curious, but not confused. Your mind is trying to help you by showing you possibilities, giving you choices, offering you options. Let it make these offerings, then choose the thoughts you want to use to help you reach your goals. Not all thoughts are created equal with regard to usefulness. This topic will be discussed in greater detail in a future episode.

This is your thoughtfulness practice.

There is nothing wrong with your design you only need to become more skilled in using your mind, just the way it is.

  1. Accept the nature of your busy mind.
  2. Observe your thoughts without judgment.
  3. Choose to follow those thoughts that serve your values.

Take this practice with you anywhere and cultivate it anytime. Use it to create more harmonious relationships, both inside yourself and between yourself and others.

When we choose this approach for ourselves and cultivate our practice, our relationships and communities will reflect the changes. All positive change begins with you. It’s easier than you think.

Thank you for joining me on this journey, and know that–You Are Loved.

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Music by Layne Redmond, Greg Ellis, and Azam Ali. Cover art by Cameron Grey.

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Spirituality

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Splash17Kalani talks about developing a spiritual practice, which is a personal and unique approach to increasing one's own experience of oneness, contentment, and joy. This talk is about finding new ways to approach your spiritual practice while fostering a more inclusive and supportive environment for the diverse range of practices that make up the global spiritual community.

This podcast features music by Azam Ali, Greg Ellis and Layne Redmond & Tommy Brunjes.

 

 

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Giving Peace

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It's often the case that we reflect on ways to help each other during the Holidays, whether it's donating some time to help serve meals to those in need, running errands for someone who is homebound, or simply donating our time to be with people who could use some company, such as those in retirement homes or hospitals.

Giving the gift of support, through physical or personal donations is a wonderful way to create a sense of connectedness with others and foster community on all levels. Gifts of this kind can take the form of specific events, such as making a special trip to a senior center to sing holiday songs with the residents, or helping to collect and distribute gifts through your community organization.

Gifts of Peace can also take a much smaller, more subtle form. They can be given in very small packets of attention, listening, and validating others. When someone approaches you with a worried look on their face, tension in their voice, and anxiety in their mind, listening with attention and compassion might be all that is needed to open up their hearts. This simple act can be one form of mindfulness-based meditation. When those around us are nurtured, we feel nurtured as well.

Embodying tenderness in all that you do, can have ripple effects that extend into the world, well beyond the physical limits of your immediate world. Walking through the world with a smile on your lips and openness in your eyes can affect everyone you touch in ways that are profound. Giving this kind of peace is not something that is usually noticed, but it is felt.

As you drive to your appointments this holiday season, think of every driver as your dear friend. Perhaps they need to get somewhere quickly, which is why they need to speed around you or get into that parking spot. Let them. Create space for peace by allowing others to flow around you. See them as members of your family who might need more understanding and support at this time. Give them the peace you carry in your heart. You will never run out!

One of the best ways to give peace, is to not take things personally when something unexpected or undesirable happens. Keep in mind that you have expectations. (We all do). But it is only when you compare your expectations with what actually happens that you might become frustrated and upset. When we accept the world as it is, we will never be upset - because we are always starting from the situation that is. This does not mean that we do not strive to improve, only that we are not caught up in comparing what we wanted to have happen with what is happening, which is pointless and often stressful.

Give peace by listening to someone talk without judging their circumstances or trying to 'fix' their problems. Listen with an open heart and mind, making eye contact and finding the bright spots in what the share. Often, people focus on their problems, but it is impossible for someone to know what his problems are unless he also has some idea of that the solutions! (otherwise he would simply accept the situation as normal).

Give peace by not engaging in positions of tension. Someone might say something with which you disagree. That's OK. Is it important to defend the opposite position at that time? What is more important, to be 'right' or to be at peace? If you can, allow others to have their opinions and focus on what you both enjoy. Celebrate the good that you both see in the world. Often, when we remove our 'problems' we find love - for love is at the core of creation. Love is the heartbeat of the universe - the 'one song' that we all sing each day.

Give peace to yourself by having compassion for the child inside you that is doing the best he/she can. Allow yourself to make mistakes and laugh at yourself -because you know that life is about trying things, making discoveries, and exploring the boundaries of the imagination. Life is not a performance. It is an adventure - and adventures are marked by surprises. Enjoy them and be grateful.

Give peace to the planet by being a stuart of all your relations. Take care of every being you encounter, every form of life, and every phase of life. See the stages of the manifested world as one dance, moving in harmony, you with your place and everything else with its place, interconnected and interdependent. Know that, by offering peace, you are creating peace for yourself. Be peaceful and the world will reciprocate.

Blessings to you this holiday season.
May you be peace!

-Kalani

 

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Moving Beyond Sorrow

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The dictionary defines 'Sorrow' as: 1) deep distress, sadness, or regret especially for the loss of someone or something loved and 2) resultant unhappy or unpleasant state.

In an earlier post called 'The Functional Mind,' I talked about how the primary functions of the mind is to identify, categorize, associate, store and retrieve data (information about the world, both external and internal).

Looking at the feeling of sorrow through the lens of the Thoughtfulness Practice, we can immediately see that a state of sorrow depends on us first categorizing something as a 'loss,' secondly as associated with something 'loved,' and most importantly - the thoughts that lead to this state must be retrieved over and over again.

We've all felt the deep sadness that comes from experiencing the loss of something we hold dear. It might have been a friend, family member or a pet. It could have been a quality that was 'lost' such as tenderness or innocence.

Whatever it was, the 'loss' is experienced as an emotion that often manifests throughout the body as a feeling of both emptiness and heaviness. We might experience sensations of tension coupled with feelings of helplessness. Sorrow is a powerful feeling and it can weigh us down and drain us of energy.

Clearly, there are times when it is appropriate and, some might argue, necessary to allow one's self to enter into a state of sorrow. In times of great loss, sorrow serves to slow us down, provide a space for mourning, reflection, and the healing process to begin. This is normal and when appropriate, sorrow can be exactly what we need to process an event in our lives.

The key to living an enlightened life, is to know when and how to move beyond sorrow and resume the natural state of bliss and gratitude that is the birthright of every living being. As 'universal beings' we are wired for bliss and healthiest when manifesting joy. We are most productive when we are happy and looking forward to the many gifts each day brings.

Let's see how we can use the teachings of the Thoughtfulness Practice to move beyond sorrow, when the time is right.

Sorrow, as a condition, depends largely on the re-experiencing of the feeling of loss. In most cases, the 'loss' is a change from one circumstance to another (i.e., My pet was here and now he/she is gone). In order to experience the sorrow, we must re-mind ourselves of the loss and continue to wish that the current condition was different than it is.

We know that the mind's job is to store and retrieve data, but we also know that it is our perspective and orientation that determines the quality of that information. 'Quality" in this case refers to the relevance and usefulness of the thought as it pertains to our life.

When we take an objective look at a 'sorrow-producing' thought, we can examine it for its quality by asking the questions:

  1. Is this thought true in its timeliness?
  2. Does maintaining this thought serve my highest good?
  3. Am I willing and ready to let go of this thought/feeling?

Is this thought true in its timeliness?

Sometimes we hold on to an event, thought, or feeling long after the event has past. We continue to re-mind ourselves of it until it becomes almost hard-wired into our daily life. We change our perspective to accommodate the thought and can even change our entire orientation in life. In some cases, our mood suffers, we feel sad, our bodies ache, we're unmotivated and even angry. In extreme cases we might experience depression and feelings of helplessness.

The KEY is to consider the timeline and be realistic about the event, which may have happened months and even years before. Even though we can remember it, is it true in this moment? Are those events happening now? Chances are, if we're being honest with ourselves, the answer is no. We can help move beyond sorrow, by admitting that it is us who are continuing to pull the event into the present, through the use of our mind. This is a mis-use of the mind. The first step is to notice that this is happening.

Does maintaining this thought serve my highest good?

If you were going to recommend that someone else either use or not use the 'sorrow-producing thought,' what would you tell them? Be honest. Does pulling the thought and feeling into the present serve you in your highest good? Does it help you feel more like yourself or something else? If it is not serving you, then it makes sense to change your perspective and focus on what does. You can do this by simply observing the thought, feeling the feeling, and not reacting negatively to the presence of the thought. (See the article "Feeling the Feeling.)

We can allow a thought without having a reactive experience to it. When we provide compassion to our own sorrow, we begin to heal - we begin to understand that it is not the event that is causing us to suffer, but our resistance to the change in our life situation. We sometimes become bound to a feeling and the orientation around that feeling. We might think that if we are not sad that we are not honoring the person or thing that we loved, but this thinking only hurts ourselves and those who are with us. In fact, we can honor those we loved by living a bright and joyful life.

When a though does not align with your highest good, you have the option of acknowledging that. When you truly acknowledge that you could be spending more time with your quality thoughts, you will reclaim your highest good and use your mind in ways that lead to productively and happiness.

Am I willing and ready to let go of this thought/feeling?

As mentioned above, we sometimes hold on to a thought or feeling for various reasons. We may actually become attached to feelings of sadness and sorrow to the point where they become part of who we are. You can sometimes see this in people who have suffered great loss. They seem to carry the thought and feelings of sorrow with them everywhere, never letting go, always focused on a feeling of loss and suffering. It's not as important to know why people do this as it is to know that it is always a choice.

In order to allow a feeling to move beyond your conscious mind, you must be willing to allow that to happen, which means you must be willing to let the associations go as well. This might feel like abandoning the thing you loved, but in truth, it is honoring all that is good in life. Have you ever met someone who suggested to you that, should they pass on before you, they would want you to feel sorrow for a long time? Of course not.

Once the sorrow has served its purpose, once the appropriate space has been created and rituals for healing have been practiced, once the person, pet or thing has been acknowledged and respects have been paid, the focus can return to the present moment - not to the future, but the here and now.

Letting go of sorrow does not mean forgetting about people or what they meant. It means returning to a state of gratitude and wonderment for each and every moment that is your life. It means allowing yourself to be present in your life and not stuck in the past or future.

We can move beyond sorrow when we acknowledge that our mind is a tool for solving problems - not producing them. When we are able to manage our thoughts in a way that produces quality, we can release feelings of sorrow. By embracing the wonder and joy that is inherent in each moment, we focus on appreciation for the gifts of life, rather than what we think was taken from us.

Each day is a gift. That's why it's called the present. (Anon)

What do you think of this Thoughtfulness Practice?

Have you found ways to move beyond sorrow?

Leave your comments below.

 

 

 

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Perspective

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In the article, The Functional Mind, we learned that the mind carries out at least three primary functions: 1) to identify things, 2) to make associations between things, and 3) to store and retrieve information. In this article, we will learn that we can develop and choose various perspectives with regards to the 'items' of the mind.

As we experience life, we collect memories. Things happen to us. We identify those events, categorize them, make associations between those events as past events, and store them in the vastness of our minds. Some of the events in our lives become 'repressed' or 'unconscious' memories, driving us from a deeper place than we are aware. But many of the event in our lives are readily available for consideration and review at any time. These will be the subject of this article.

Given that our minds do categorize, make associations, and store information, one questions we might ask is, how are those 'items' organized in my mind? In other words: What is the relationship between your present thoughts and all the memories that you have accumulated in your life? Are your memories 'close to the surface'? Do you often make associations between things that are happening in the present and past events? If you find yourself comparing what is happening 'now' with what happened 'before,' then this could be a major factor in how you shape your personal perspective.

When we 'view' the items in our mind through a particular 'lens,' aligning certain types of 'events' into sets and categorizing certain types of memories as groups, then we view those items from a particular perspective. In reality, all the memories we have are discrete. They are, in fact, not related at all, but our mind makes associations between things that 're-mind' us of other things, so these 'items' tend to become grouped together - viewed as a group.

Imagine that all the memories you have are floating in a holographic space that is your mind. Some are in the back, others in the front. Some are to the left, others to the right. All your memories (and the thoughts and feelings that are associated with them) are 'hovering' in the space of your mind.

When we are re-minded of a particular mind 'item,' we can choice to 'view' that item by itself or in association with other items. Most people tend to do the latter, either consciously or unconsciously. Most people tend to view an event 'in alignment with' other events that they have identified as similar. It's as if you are standing in front of a large three-dimensional model of your mind, where memories are placed on levels, like one of those 3-D chess or checkers games.

If you were to walk around the 'game board' you would find that you could, through your positioning, align various combinations of items on the boards, so they form a line or group. This 'aligning to view' certain types of memories, thoughts and feelings, is what we call 'perspective.' Your perspective is your chosen 'line of sight' when viewing those items of the mind. How you choose to view the contents of you mind will, in large part, determine what kind of experience you have when faced with new events.

We all have choices with regards to which 'perspective' we choose to use. This is obvious, as evidenced by two people arguing over what a shared experience 'means' or even what 'happened.' Both people have their own perspective–the viewpoint they each choose based on the associations they make between what they remember and what they identify as currently happening.

A Thoughtfulnerss Practice:

The 'key' to choosing your perspective, is to remember that every event in your life is unique and not related to what has come before–even if something that is currently happening reminds you of some prior event or situation. This truly is key. Making false associations between the present and the past, then viewing the present from the perspective of the past only takes us farther from the present moment. Adding layers of 'past' to the present blurs our vision of what is actually happening, coloring our perspective in some way.

Viewing the present from a neutral perspective, not aligning with any past events, thoughts, feelings, or emotions, helps us remain in the present and appreciate the beauty and unique qualities of every moment in our lives. Unless there is a good reason to take a specific perspective, as a means to maintaining safety, for example, focus on the uniqueness of the present experience, rather than making associations to the past-or future. When you find yourself 'lining up' similar 'items' to view them as a group, change your perspective so you see the present as a single item. This way, you will enjoy the unique beauty and power of being present.

In a future article, we will example how using a certain perspective repeatedly, over time, can cause someone to adopt a specific 'orientation.'

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Finding Peace

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It's something that we all talk about and desire - Peace.

Watch the news and you would think that the world is in a constant state of unrest, but is this really true? Does conflict take the place of peace or can there be peace within struggle, within conflict and tension? Finding peace might seem like an almost unsurmountable task in 'times of conflict,' but there's another way to approach finding it that doesn't rely on others or even yourself to manifest this state of continuity and clarity that we all seek.

Finding peace can be the result of connecting to something that is peaceful. Anyone who knows nature has experienced the sense of peace that comes from taking a leisurely walk through a natural landscape, sitting alongside a gently flowing stream, or watching the clouds roll by from a grassy hillside. While we generally find these experiences peaceful, we're only scratching the surface. There's more we can do, purposefully and with full attention, to connect to peace and find that feeling within ourselves.

They say that 'It takes one to know one.' While this phrase has traditionally been used as a snappy come-back, aimed at the teaser and most often used in children's culture, we can use it as a starting point to help point us towards peace. Translated another way, we could say that "It takes knowing peace to be at peace." In other words, we can identify peace where it exists, connect to that active experience, and manifest that experience through our experiences.

How do we connect to peace? First, we locate something peaceful, something beautiful, something that is manifesting peace. This actually applies to just about everything in nature, but let's begin with those manifestations that are most recognizable as beautiful and peaceful: plants and more specifically, trees and flowers. For the purpose of this practice, the object of our attention will be a healthy, living, expression (life form), that we find pleasing to observe.

The Practice:

Preparation

Find a living plant (tree or flower) in a place where you will have 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time. Make yourself comfortable and prepare your body and mind with some gentle stretches, deep, slow breathing, and making yourself comfortable. Once settled, focus on the object of peace. (Make sure that you are close enough to the object to observe detail) Begin by observing the item as a whole. Take in the beauty. Proceed to notice small details, lines, curves, points of interest, etc. Notice how it grows up and out, spreading into the word to show its beauty. Notice how peaceful it is - how calm - yet steady and in many ways, strong and grounded it is.

Finding Peace

Begin to imagine what it would feel like to be that plant. How does it experience the world? Imagine the feeling of having your roots spread out into the cool earth. Think about what they would feel like, not as a human, but as the plant. Notice the steam or trunk and imagine how it feels to be reaching upward, strong and connected. Notice the branches and stems and the feeling of spreading out. Notice the flowers and leaves and the urge and feeling to allow your beauty to show without reserve, without hesitation, naked for the world to see. Imagine the feeling of peace that this life experiences each and every moment: grounded, growing, reaching, opening. Imagine yourself 'as' the plant (not as a person observing). Use your ability to empathize with this life you see in front of you to find the feelings of peace that it so completely embodies.

Integration

Begin to imagine your own body in the same way as you see the plant, connected, growing, branching out, blossoming, showing your beauty without reserve. Find the same feeling of peace within yourself. You are a manifestation of the same force that is manifesting the plant. Know that you also represent peace, naturally. Connect with your own embodiment of peace that is an innate part of your existence. Feel the feeling. Experience the sensation of being alive, of growing without trying, of opening up to the universal love that creates the manifested. You are not a 'part of' or 'apart from' the Universe. You are an expression of the universe.

Closing

After spending a few minutes experiencing deep sensations of peace, begin to bring your awareness back to the general environment. Slowly transition out of your peace practice and use the experience to inform and shape how you experience yourself and others in the future. Represent peace to others. Be a model, even if they are unable or unwilling to follow your example. Represent peace through your ability to remain grounded, growing, and blossoming. Show your beauty to others in the hopes that they will find the beauty in themselves.

This is the Thoughfulness Practice of "Finding Peace."

  • How do you create this practice in your life?
  • What are some benefits of this Practice?

Share your thoughts and ideas below.

 

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Presence

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One of the goals of the Thoughtfulness Practice is to bring more presence into your life. By presence, I'm referring to attending to your environment, your surroundings as well as your inner state. When we focus on living in the present moment, we generally find life to be a peaceful, enjoyable, and potentially an even magical experience. One way to expand your sense of presence is by managing the amount of time your spend focusing on the past and/or future.

Too Much Past

When we spend time thinking about past event, whether we find them 'positive' or 'negative', joyful or sorrowful, extraordinary or commonplace; we spend less time focusing our attention to the present moments. Our minds, as storage and retrieval systems, are often busy pulling out old 'movies' to show us, replaying them over and over, sometimes as a means to possibly help us figure something out about the events, and at other times, for no apparent reason.

Often, time spent pondering past events proves to be anxiety-causing, as we tend to remember emotionally-charged events that have the potential to place us in a state of anxiety. Remembering and talking about anxiety-producing events (memories) from our past can serve a purpose, when used as part of a therapeutic process, for example. But when 'used' as a pastime, with no clear purpose or outcome in mind, these thoughts provide little value and can even cause us ongoing harm.

Perseverating on 'negative' events can change our perspective and even our orientation, giving us the impression that our lives are lower-quality. Focusing on those events that cause us anxiety can result in elevated levels of cortisol (a stress hormone), higher blood pressure, and cause outbreaks, rashes, and nervousness. Most of these conditions can be lessened or even avoided altogether where we to spend less time pondering the past and more time in the present.

Within the Thoughtfulness Practice, the condition wherein someone spends a large amount of time remembering past events, reviewing them verbally and non-verbally, and replaying certain anxiety-causing events over and over, we would say that the person is "using too much past." Why "using?" We use the term "using" because thoughts are produced by the mind and "used" by the self. Storing, saving, recalling, and using thoughts is always a choice made by the self. (See the article 'The Functional Mind' for more.)

Too Much Future

As with thinking about the past, thinking about the future can cause similar conditions in the person. When we think about the future, we're creating stories (fantasies), based on what we think might happen. The problem with taking our visions to heart is that virtually all of them are not true.

Our minds are constantly producing thoughts, often in the form a short 'movies' that play in our mind's eye. These movies are one of our mind's ways of trying to help us navigate life. We must always keep 'in mind' that our minds are problem-solving, highly creative tools that make us special and unique. They are also capable of producing a large amount of material in a short period of time.

When left unchecked, the mind will tend to produce hundreds if not thousands of possible outcomes for the future. It will show us these as a way to help us be prepared for those times, if and when they come. The mis-managed mind will continue to produce and play thoughts over and over again, sometimes causing the 'users' the same types of anxiety as do thoughts about the past.

Thinking about future events in detail, whether it be a conversation with someone else, giving a presentation, tackling a job or task, or doing any number of other things, can be helpful in certain situations. Considering options is a good way to prepare and be ready. Using the mind to develop a plan or procedure can be time well spent and result in productivity. Allowing the mind to run free in your head, showing any and all 'movies' it chooses, whether based on facts or fiction, whether they cause you joy or anxiety, can result in the same types of problems as using too much past. When someone spends a large amount of their time focused on the future, worrying about what will happen, considering all types of undesirable outcomes, we say that they are 'using too much future.'

The Thoughtfulness Practice teaches us that one way to increase our time in the present, is to reduce our time spent thinking in terms of the past and future.

A Thoughtfulness Practice:

- When you find yourself thinking about the past, consider the quality of the thoughts. Become an observer of your own thinking process and ask yourself: "What is the purpose of using this thought right now?", "What is the feeling attached to this thought or 'movie?'", "Have I considered this thought already? If so, is there any point to repeating it?".

If you find that your current thoughts are about something over which you have no control, consider making a mental or physical note and return to attending to your present surroundings.

If you find that the thought has an emotional charge to it, invite that emotion to 'speak more fully' within your body, rather than pushing it away. Try to find out what the emotion wants to 'say' to you. What is the message? If there is no message, feel the feeling as much as you can. Often this will allow it to dissipate or lessen.

If you have had the thought before, know that your mind is repeating thoughts in an attempt to be productive and helpful, but that you needn't spend additional time reviewing thoughts that you have already considered. Lessen repeating thoughts by focusing your attention in the present, feeling your body from within and attending to all that your sense bring to you from your current surroundings.

When we lose touch with the present, our minds tend to anchor in the past or future. Becoming aware of time spend in the past or future is one of  the first steps in developing your Thoughtfulness Practice. You may find yourself in the past or future. Return to the present by acknowledging that your mind is simply trying to help, to figure things out, but that what you need most is simply to be present.  Be grateful that you have a creative mind, but manage your thoughts in a responsible way, using only those thoughts that are purposeful, productive, and valid in relationship to your life as it is in the moment.

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Associations

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In a recent post, The Functional Mind, I identified the three main roles of the mind; to identify, make associations, and store and retrieve information. This article more closely examines the process of making associations.

It is through the process of associating that some of our greatest human acheivments have been made. As I've mentioned, it is our ability to quickly make myriad associations between items and ideas that makes us uniqly human. It's what sets us apart from other animals; allows us to develop complex ideas, forms, and items; and it's also the process that often result in increases in anxiety. It's the last point that is a concern in the Practice of Thoughtfulness.

As we learn and grow, we come to recognize many things. We categorize those things and often think in terms of groupings, i.e., people, places, politics, etc.. Give someone a single topic and they can probably talk for hours about it, linking one thing to another and traveling down myriad paths as they are re-minded of more and more things through the process of association.

It's when the process of association happens without an awareness to our current needs, that it can cause anxiety.

When we make non-funcitonal associations, we risk causing ourselves anxiety due to regret and worry (feelings of disappointment about the past or fear about the future). Consider that when listening to someone telling you about something that is happening with them, you might be reminded of something that happened to you. You might then be moved to interject and start talking about it, telling the other person about it, sometimes as a way to show that you can relate and that you have empathy for them.

If the stories that we share are of a 'positive' nature, there's usually no harm in being re-minded of them and re-minding others, but when they could cause us anxiety (reminding yourself and others of 'negative things' beyond your control), choosing to think about them becomes a non-purposeful activity and can even cause emotional and ultimately, physical harm to yourself and others.

An example of non-purposeful (and potentially harmful) associating, might look like this:

You receive a utility bill in the mail. You open it and look at the amount. You think about having to spend that money on something that you barely noticed using and you feel taken off guard by this 'sudden' expense. You lay the bill out on your desk and are reminded of all the other utility bills that you have received in the past. You go to your filing cabinet and get out all your old bills, laying them out on y our desk until it's covered. You look at all those bills and think about all the money you've spent and how you could have used that money for others things that you enjoy. You figure out the total amount and feel a sense of dread as you consider how much you will spend in the future. It all seems so overwhelming. You feel anxious. You heart starts to pound in your chest and you feel flush. You can't see a way out from under this burden.

What happend here?

Rather than taking the bill for what it is: an isolated expense for services rendered, you made an association between it and similar bills from the past. You thought about them all at once and envisioned all future bills as one item. You created a mountain of anguish just through the act of association.

Is it reasonable to go to your desk and bring out all your past bills when you receive a new one? Of course not. Why would you do that? But - Many of us do this with our thoughts. When we receive a story or thought about a particular idea or event, we go into the files of our mind and pull out everything that we can associate with that item, even if it will cause us anxiety! We drag up old files (memories) and lay them out in front of us (in our mind). We think about them as a group, rather than individually. We create a mountain of anxiety out of virtually unrelated items. This is unconscious association or what we call the state of being Over Associated.

Rather than over associating, consider the following as an alternative to the above:

You check your mail and find a utility bill, like you do every month. You don't particularly enjoy having bills, but you know that they represent an exchange of energy between parties. As you pay the bill, you think about how wonderful it is to have water and power to use whenever you need it. You appreciate all the work that everyone at the utility company does to make sure that you have what you need. You remember how easy it made your life to have that water and power - as opposed to not having it. When you consider how much you did with those utilities, the amount you're paying seems small in comparison.

In the second scenario, you never associated your bill with other bills. Instead, you thought about all the good things that you did with the services you received as a result of your relationship with the utility company. Rather than feeling punished, you felt like you got a great deal. You changed your perspective from being 'anxiety-oriented' to being 'gratitude-oriented.' Nothing about the situation of receiving a bill changed–only your perspective.

Remaining neutral, objective, and not over associating items or ideas is at the core of the Thoughtfulness Practice. When we take each event in our lives just as it is, without making a lot of unnecessary and non-functional associations, we spend more time in the here-and-now, and we have the opportunity to express gratitude for the many gifts we receive each and every day.

Thoughtfulness Practices:

The next time you're talking with someone, when you find yourself re-minded of something outside of the topic of the conversation (something that your mind associated with in the conversation), rather than focusing on it, simply observe your mind's activity. Take note and stay focused on what the other person is saying to you. Rather than jumping to your own version of their story, ask them more questions about theirs. This will increase your conversational skills and shows true empathy and a desire to know what is being shared with you.

When you find yourself over associating (thinking about many things that are associated with something, without knowing why), simply take note and observe it as a process of the mind. Observe the way your mind jumps from one subject to another and stay attentive to what is happening in the moment, rather than thinking about the past or future. If your thoughts are causing you anxiety, identify that feeling in your body and invite it to expand into your understanding, rather than pushing it away.

When you are reminded of something that you would like to change, either take action in the moment or - if it's not the right time for action, simply observe that you thought of it and return to the present. You can make a note to yourself to take care of it when you have time and are in a position to do something about it. Until then, remain in the present moment to create more Quality Life Time (QLT). Quality Life Time is created when we reduce the amount of past and future in our 'beingness' and focus our energy and attention on the present. Living in the present is the most effective way to reduce stress, anxiety and fully appreciate all that life has to offer - and it's the only place that life happens.

The awareness and feeling of being alive is one of the greatest gifts we can enjoy. It doesn't take any special training, money, or tools, and everyone can enjoy it where they are - right now.

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Fulfillment

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Remember the feeling of excitement when you experience something for the first time? It might be receiving a gift, going to a place you've never been, or meeting someone new. The state of experiencing 'newness' often sparks our interest and boosts our energy level as we explore and find our way.

The energy we feel when discovering something 'new' is largely a result of being in a state of 'flow,' an in-the-moment awareness that places us 'at the edge' of time. When we are in-the moment, we're not thinking about the past or future and we can take in everything that life offers up as it happens.

Remember the first time you road a bicycle, drove a car, or flew in an airplane? Can you imagine having that feeling again when doing those things? if not, why not? Why do we sometimes find things that once excited us, not as fulfilling? If we're experiencing the same thing, why do we not feel as interested or excited about it?

As humans, we're always looking for something new and novel. Our minds enjoy a mystery, a puzzle, and a problem to solve. We love to figure things out and explore what's new. When we become familiar with something, we tend to 'check it off' in out mind as 'been there done that.' This thinking is at the core of boredom. Boredom is the state of not seeing the amazing world that is right in front of you, largely because you think you already know everything there is to know about it. How odd, given that each day, each moment is new.

If you're bored with the world, chances are the feeling is mutual.

Through repeated exposure to things or ideas, we can become numb to them. We see the same things passing through our awareness and sooner or later, we stop noticing them. We become numb to the reality around us and search for things that are 'new' and 'different.' We ride bicycles, drive our cars, fly in planes, and not only are we often not excited about it, we find things to complain about. "the brakes squeak," "the oil needs changing," "the flight is delayed." When did riding a bicycle, driving a car, and riding in a plane become work? – when you stopped appreciating how amazing it is to have those opportunities.

We take so many things for granted, and sometimes the more we get, the less we appreciate it. We turn a faucet and clean, drinkable water comes out - even hot water. We flick on a switch and light fills the room. We turn a knob and the temperature of the air changes to make us more comfortable. We dial some numbers into a palm-sized device and in a moment, we're talking to someone half-way around the world. Do we show amazement for these miracles each time we experience them? Most people don't, but we certainly are upset when they don't happen!

Think gas prices are high? Want to get more for your money? Here's what you can do: The next time you get in your car to drive, notice how amazing it is that you can actually get into a little box on wheels, press a button, turn some knobs and flick some switches, and find yourself propelled (powerfully) down the road. Remember the feeling of the first time you drove. Renew your appreciation for the current moment in which you are gifted with the opportunity to do it again and again. The driving doesn't change, only your perception of what it means.

By really appreciating the opportunities in your life, you gain fulfillment of that life.

It doesn't matter how many 'new' or 'valuable' things you chase down or capture. Someone can fill a room in their house with money and after the novelty has worn off, after they have taken their tenth 'money bath,' after they have shown all their friends, after they have looked through the door a hundred times, sooner or later it will just be a room full of clutter. It's the not the 'having' that brings fulfillment, but the 'playing of the game.'

Let things pass through your hands, rather than holding on to them. Feel the joy in each moment as life presents you with opportunities and experiences. Appreciate doing everything you do, even if you've done it for years. Experience each time like the first time. It is!

Thoughtfulness Practices:

The next time you use an appliance or tool, take time to appreciate the person who designed it, the person who built it, and the opportunity you have to use it. As you work, imagine NOT having it and be grateful for it.

The next time you ride a bicycle, drive a car, or fly in an airplane, consider how amazing it is to have that opportunity. Think about what it would be like to NOT have it and be grateful. Think about all the people who made that experience possible and thank them in your own way. Live with gratitude for every opportunity you get and your life with be FULFILLING.

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