Kalani Das

The EVOLVE Podcast

an exploration of mindfulness, spirituality, and conscious living.

Softening Sadness

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I recently returned from a two-week teaching and lecturing trip to Australia. After one of the sessions a woman approached me and asked if I had a few minutes to talk.   she confided in me that,  although she does do things from which she gains a lot of enjoyment, she often feels sad and isn't sure exactly why. She went on to tell me that she sometimes gets frustrated because the reason for the sadness is not clear, and that fact sometimes adds to the frustration and creates even more sadness.

During the consultation, we talked about the thoughtfulness practice of 'feeling the feeling.'  In this practice, the purpose is to remove any resistance from receiving the messages that your subconscious or unconscious body/mind is attempting to send you through the conduit of emotions and feelings. Ironically, it is often our resistance to undesirable feelings that produces the majority of our suffering,  this concept is at the core of many spiritual teachings, primarily Buddhism.

As I asked her questions about the feeling and about what she was doing about it, she did seem to understand the dynamics in which she was engaging. She seemed to acknowledge that, even though she couldn't identify the reason for the sadness, she was unable to prevent the feeling from taking over.

My recommendation was that she set aside some time, when she could focus and be undisturbed, to allow herself to feel the feeling and even invited  it into her being, thereby allowing it to flow in and through her. I explained that it is often our resistance to negative feelings that creates the dynamic of tension–two forces working in opposition to each other.

I recommended that she focus on the feeling and try to identify where it manifests in her body. We often feel sadness in our chest and/or abdomen, although not exclusively so. I invited her to explore the feeling and to ask it, as you would a child,  “What can I do for you?” or  “What's wrong?”  By meeting the feeling of sadness with compassion, we can tear down the system of tension and suffering, opening up a dialogue with ourselves that can lead to greater peace and well-being.

By the end of our conversation her mood seemed quite a bit brighter. She was smiling and had a certain sense of lightness about her. She assured me she would try the thoughtfulness practice, even if, and especially when, she wasn't in the mood to do so!

It's completely understandable, but in today's world of Linkedin, Facebook, and Twitter, that one would feel the pressure to always be  “up” and “cheerful.”  The reality is, everyone feels sad some of the time–for various reasons. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad. In fact, feelings always have a purpose–to inform us of what might be going on in our subconscious. It's only when we are unable to cope with these feelings and when they cause us further suffering that we need a more functional approach.

The next time you're feeling sad for 'no reason,'  try using the thoughtfulness practice of “feeling the feeling” and see if it makes a difference. The only thing you might have to lose is a little bit of your sadness.

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Giving Peace

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It's often the case that we reflect on ways to help each other during the Holidays, whether it's donating some time to help serve meals to those in need, running errands for someone who is homebound, or simply donating our time to be with people who could use some company, such as those in retirement homes or hospitals.

Giving the gift of support, through physical or personal donations is a wonderful way to create a sense of connectedness with others and foster community on all levels. Gifts of this kind can take the form of specific events, such as making a special trip to a senior center to sing holiday songs with the residents, or helping to collect and distribute gifts through your community organization.

Gifts of Peace can also take a much smaller, more subtle form. They can be given in very small packets of attention, listening, and validating others. When someone approaches you with a worried look on their face, tension in their voice, and anxiety in their mind, listening with attention and compassion might be all that is needed to open up their hearts. This simple act can be one form of mindfulness-based meditation. When those around us are nurtured, we feel nurtured as well.

Embodying tenderness in all that you do, can have ripple effects that extend into the world, well beyond the physical limits of your immediate world. Walking through the world with a smile on your lips and openness in your eyes can affect everyone you touch in ways that are profound. Giving this kind of peace is not something that is usually noticed, but it is felt.

As you drive to your appointments this holiday season, think of every driver as your dear friend. Perhaps they need to get somewhere quickly, which is why they need to speed around you or get into that parking spot. Let them. Create space for peace by allowing others to flow around you. See them as members of your family who might need more understanding and support at this time. Give them the peace you carry in your heart. You will never run out!

One of the best ways to give peace, is to not take things personally when something unexpected or undesirable happens. Keep in mind that you have expectations. (We all do). But it is only when you compare your expectations with what actually happens that you might become frustrated and upset. When we accept the world as it is, we will never be upset - because we are always starting from the situation that is. This does not mean that we do not strive to improve, only that we are not caught up in comparing what we wanted to have happen with what is happening, which is pointless and often stressful.

Give peace by listening to someone talk without judging their circumstances or trying to 'fix' their problems. Listen with an open heart and mind, making eye contact and finding the bright spots in what the share. Often, people focus on their problems, but it is impossible for someone to know what his problems are unless he also has some idea of that the solutions! (otherwise he would simply accept the situation as normal).

Give peace by not engaging in positions of tension. Someone might say something with which you disagree. That's OK. Is it important to defend the opposite position at that time? What is more important, to be 'right' or to be at peace? If you can, allow others to have their opinions and focus on what you both enjoy. Celebrate the good that you both see in the world. Often, when we remove our 'problems' we find love - for love is at the core of creation. Love is the heartbeat of the universe - the 'one song' that we all sing each day.

Give peace to yourself by having compassion for the child inside you that is doing the best he/she can. Allow yourself to make mistakes and laugh at yourself -because you know that life is about trying things, making discoveries, and exploring the boundaries of the imagination. Life is not a performance. It is an adventure - and adventures are marked by surprises. Enjoy them and be grateful.

Give peace to the planet by being a stuart of all your relations. Take care of every being you encounter, every form of life, and every phase of life. See the stages of the manifested world as one dance, moving in harmony, you with your place and everything else with its place, interconnected and interdependent. Know that, by offering peace, you are creating peace for yourself. Be peaceful and the world will reciprocate.

Blessings to you this holiday season.
May you be peace!

-Kalani

 

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Perspective

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In the article, The Functional Mind, we learned that the mind carries out at least three primary functions: 1) to identify things, 2) to make associations between things, and 3) to store and retrieve information. In this article, we will learn that we can develop and choose various perspectives with regards to the 'items' of the mind.

As we experience life, we collect memories. Things happen to us. We identify those events, categorize them, make associations between those events as past events, and store them in the vastness of our minds. Some of the events in our lives become 'repressed' or 'unconscious' memories, driving us from a deeper place than we are aware. But many of the event in our lives are readily available for consideration and review at any time. These will be the subject of this article.

Given that our minds do categorize, make associations, and store information, one questions we might ask is, how are those 'items' organized in my mind? In other words: What is the relationship between your present thoughts and all the memories that you have accumulated in your life? Are your memories 'close to the surface'? Do you often make associations between things that are happening in the present and past events? If you find yourself comparing what is happening 'now' with what happened 'before,' then this could be a major factor in how you shape your personal perspective.

When we 'view' the items in our mind through a particular 'lens,' aligning certain types of 'events' into sets and categorizing certain types of memories as groups, then we view those items from a particular perspective. In reality, all the memories we have are discrete. They are, in fact, not related at all, but our mind makes associations between things that 're-mind' us of other things, so these 'items' tend to become grouped together - viewed as a group.

Imagine that all the memories you have are floating in a holographic space that is your mind. Some are in the back, others in the front. Some are to the left, others to the right. All your memories (and the thoughts and feelings that are associated with them) are 'hovering' in the space of your mind.

When we are re-minded of a particular mind 'item,' we can choice to 'view' that item by itself or in association with other items. Most people tend to do the latter, either consciously or unconsciously. Most people tend to view an event 'in alignment with' other events that they have identified as similar. It's as if you are standing in front of a large three-dimensional model of your mind, where memories are placed on levels, like one of those 3-D chess or checkers games.

If you were to walk around the 'game board' you would find that you could, through your positioning, align various combinations of items on the boards, so they form a line or group. This 'aligning to view' certain types of memories, thoughts and feelings, is what we call 'perspective.' Your perspective is your chosen 'line of sight' when viewing those items of the mind. How you choose to view the contents of you mind will, in large part, determine what kind of experience you have when faced with new events.

We all have choices with regards to which 'perspective' we choose to use. This is obvious, as evidenced by two people arguing over what a shared experience 'means' or even what 'happened.' Both people have their own perspective–the viewpoint they each choose based on the associations they make between what they remember and what they identify as currently happening.

A Thoughtfulnerss Practice:

The 'key' to choosing your perspective, is to remember that every event in your life is unique and not related to what has come before–even if something that is currently happening reminds you of some prior event or situation. This truly is key. Making false associations between the present and the past, then viewing the present from the perspective of the past only takes us farther from the present moment. Adding layers of 'past' to the present blurs our vision of what is actually happening, coloring our perspective in some way.

Viewing the present from a neutral perspective, not aligning with any past events, thoughts, feelings, or emotions, helps us remain in the present and appreciate the beauty and unique qualities of every moment in our lives. Unless there is a good reason to take a specific perspective, as a means to maintaining safety, for example, focus on the uniqueness of the present experience, rather than making associations to the past-or future. When you find yourself 'lining up' similar 'items' to view them as a group, change your perspective so you see the present as a single item. This way, you will enjoy the unique beauty and power of being present.

In a future article, we will example how using a certain perspective repeatedly, over time, can cause someone to adopt a specific 'orientation.'

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Finding Peace

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It's something that we all talk about and desire - Peace.

Watch the news and you would think that the world is in a constant state of unrest, but is this really true? Does conflict take the place of peace or can there be peace within struggle, within conflict and tension? Finding peace might seem like an almost unsurmountable task in 'times of conflict,' but there's another way to approach finding it that doesn't rely on others or even yourself to manifest this state of continuity and clarity that we all seek.

Finding peace can be the result of connecting to something that is peaceful. Anyone who knows nature has experienced the sense of peace that comes from taking a leisurely walk through a natural landscape, sitting alongside a gently flowing stream, or watching the clouds roll by from a grassy hillside. While we generally find these experiences peaceful, we're only scratching the surface. There's more we can do, purposefully and with full attention, to connect to peace and find that feeling within ourselves.

They say that 'It takes one to know one.' While this phrase has traditionally been used as a snappy come-back, aimed at the teaser and most often used in children's culture, we can use it as a starting point to help point us towards peace. Translated another way, we could say that "It takes knowing peace to be at peace." In other words, we can identify peace where it exists, connect to that active experience, and manifest that experience through our experiences.

How do we connect to peace? First, we locate something peaceful, something beautiful, something that is manifesting peace. This actually applies to just about everything in nature, but let's begin with those manifestations that are most recognizable as beautiful and peaceful: plants and more specifically, trees and flowers. For the purpose of this practice, the object of our attention will be a healthy, living, expression (life form), that we find pleasing to observe.

The Practice:

Preparation

Find a living plant (tree or flower) in a place where you will have 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time. Make yourself comfortable and prepare your body and mind with some gentle stretches, deep, slow breathing, and making yourself comfortable. Once settled, focus on the object of peace. (Make sure that you are close enough to the object to observe detail) Begin by observing the item as a whole. Take in the beauty. Proceed to notice small details, lines, curves, points of interest, etc. Notice how it grows up and out, spreading into the word to show its beauty. Notice how peaceful it is - how calm - yet steady and in many ways, strong and grounded it is.

Finding Peace

Begin to imagine what it would feel like to be that plant. How does it experience the world? Imagine the feeling of having your roots spread out into the cool earth. Think about what they would feel like, not as a human, but as the plant. Notice the steam or trunk and imagine how it feels to be reaching upward, strong and connected. Notice the branches and stems and the feeling of spreading out. Notice the flowers and leaves and the urge and feeling to allow your beauty to show without reserve, without hesitation, naked for the world to see. Imagine the feeling of peace that this life experiences each and every moment: grounded, growing, reaching, opening. Imagine yourself 'as' the plant (not as a person observing). Use your ability to empathize with this life you see in front of you to find the feelings of peace that it so completely embodies.

Integration

Begin to imagine your own body in the same way as you see the plant, connected, growing, branching out, blossoming, showing your beauty without reserve. Find the same feeling of peace within yourself. You are a manifestation of the same force that is manifesting the plant. Know that you also represent peace, naturally. Connect with your own embodiment of peace that is an innate part of your existence. Feel the feeling. Experience the sensation of being alive, of growing without trying, of opening up to the universal love that creates the manifested. You are not a 'part of' or 'apart from' the Universe. You are an expression of the universe.

Closing

After spending a few minutes experiencing deep sensations of peace, begin to bring your awareness back to the general environment. Slowly transition out of your peace practice and use the experience to inform and shape how you experience yourself and others in the future. Represent peace to others. Be a model, even if they are unable or unwilling to follow your example. Represent peace through your ability to remain grounded, growing, and blossoming. Show your beauty to others in the hopes that they will find the beauty in themselves.

This is the Thoughfulness Practice of "Finding Peace."

  • How do you create this practice in your life?
  • What are some benefits of this Practice?

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The End of Monkey Mind

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Remember that scene from Fantasia where Micky Mouse was the sorcerer's apprentice? He was feeling overwhelmed with work, so he used the power of the sorcerer's hat to turn a broom into a helper (so he could get out of working and relax). He was so delighted that he soon fell asleep, only to awake to a castle that was quickly filling up with water. When he tried to destroy his little wooden helper, it only multiplied and created a real nightmare. Micky desperately tried to find a solution in a book, but it was too late–the broom helpers were a force he just couldn't control and all hope seemed to be lost. Finally, the sorcerer appeared and restored order. Mickey took back to work with a renewed sense of humility (and hopefully a little wisdom).

Micky Mouse in The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Micky's troubles began when he tried to use a power that was beyond his ability and they escalated when he unconsciously allowed his imagination to run wild. Even after he woke up, his problems continued to escalate until it seemed that all hope was lost.

When viewed through the lens of mindfulness, it's easy to draw a parallel between the use of a 'magic hat' and a common tendency in people to think that the answer to their troubles resides outside of themselves.

It's also easy to see that Micky let his imagination run wild, which eventually caused him a great deal of anxiety and stress. His life was out of control and going down the drain–literally.

The inability to calm one's mind has often been described using the term "monkey mind," likely due to the idea that monkeys are 'bouncing off the walls' with energy and never sit still. This concept might be in need of redefining, since every time I've ever seen a monkey, they appear to be quite calm and peaceful (with the rare exception of when they are fighting or playing, but even them they seem to calm down quickly).  Perhaps we should want our minds to be like a monkey after all, but let's take the common definition as true - that our minds can seem out of control and beyond our ability to calm.

Thoughtfulness tells us that our minds are more like puppies, eager to please us by helping to solve all the problems, both real and fictional, that we might entertain. The mind is a problem-solving computer that uses trillions of neuro-connections and pathways to inout, store, and retrieve data. It also cross-references (associates) information very quickly and presents us (the user) with myriad possible 'solutions' to our 'problems.'

So rather than think of your mind like a crazy monkey (or out-of-control broom) that you need to run away from (or chop into tiny bits, as in the case of Mickey's helper), treat your mind as you would a puppy - an eager one.

What's the difference?

Compassion. Mickey had an adversarial relationship with his magic helper. There was no authentic, loving, compassionate relationship. Even his hat belonged to someone else. Rather than think of your thoughts as "making you crazy" - as if they don't belong to you. Take responsibility for them, and understand that all that activity is your mind's way of trying to help you.

A Thoughtfulness Practice:

When your mind races and fills your internal 'movie screen' with a seemingly endless array of anxiety-producing images, realize what is happening. Namely, your mind is working to help offer you possible solutions to situations - both real and imagined. First, have compassion and astonishment for this eager puppy-mind. I sometimes imagine that I can talk "to" my mind. I might say "Wow - look at all those thoughts you're making! That's amazing. You are really quite special." I know this might seem odd, but changing your relationship with your mind changes the dynamics inside your head - and that's a good thing.

Second, find a way to "let your mind know who's in charge." This could simply be to internally acknowledge the offerings of your mind, allowing the running movie to exist without following it too closely. In other words, don't believe everything you think. Just sit back and know that it's a movie. Enjoy the creative energy that goes into it. Be amazed - not crazed.

The difference between Monkey-Mind and Puppy-Mind is that we have compassion for the later. We understand that the busy work is our mind's way of trying to help - AND we take responsibility for that activity, like we would for our own puppy or our child. We don't make our mind wrong or punish it (ourselves) for having lots of thoughts. Instead, we show gratitude and interest, like we would with a child, and we continue, knowing the difference between what we think and what we are.

When we are centered in our beingness, we can allow any number of thoughts to flow through our imagination without loosing our balance or feeling overwhelmed. The key is compassion - Compassion ends Monkey-Mind and creates a loving (and often fantastical) relationship with our own thoughts.

What are your thoughts?

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Matter Over Mind

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How much mind do you need to use?

When you're involved in an activity, whether it's intense, such as working to meet a work deadline, or low-pressure, such as walking through a park, do you ever thinking about how much you need to think at that time? In other words: Have you considered to what degree to use your mind to help you?

Most of us simply let our minds do what they do, which is to continuously work at solving problems, figuring out puzzles, providing alternatives, and basically showing us all sorts of possibilities. This is normal, but is it in our best interest? If you've never considered using 'less mind," consider it now.

When do we really NEED to use the power of our mind? Of course it should be easy to think of some examples. Doing a math or geometry problem, writing a story or technical paper, reading a map, debating a topic, etc.  Most people would say that we need our minds most of the time and perhaps that is true. But could it be that there are many times when we not only do not need to use the power of our minds as much?

Consider times when you don't need to use your mind. This could be when you're sitting by a river, taking in the beautify with all your senses; walking in a forested area, swinging on a swing, floating in the ocean, resting, etc. These are times where there is little need for the mind. Why? Because there is no puzzle to figure out–no mystery to solve–no problem to resolve.

The problem in these situations often comes about as a result of the activity of the mind! When we are not able to allow our 'beingness' to be the focus, feeling the sensations of life, allowing our senses to guide us into the perfect and present moment, we begin to suffer. We suffer as our minds continue to work away at fictional problems, provide us with more and more scenarios to situations that have long past, and fill our attention with a seemingly endless stream of what-ifs.

The solution?

Thoughtfulness teaches us that our mind is a tool that we can use to help us solve complex problems. It teaches us that it is an organ inside our body, whose job it is to provide us with possibilities, solutions, and alternatives. Knowing this, we can manage the mind's outflow of imagery and, rather than having an aversion to it's offerings, have gratitude for this amazing resource.

So rather than saying to ourselves: "Oh my, I have 'monkey-mind' and I feel overwhelmed. I don't know what to do.", we can say (to our mind) thank you for these offerings, but I am not in need of any help right now. I have everything I need already. In this way, you can let  your mind know that you're OK.

When we form a loving relationship with our mind, like we would with a child who is trying his best to help, we can ease the frenetic energy of the mind, and as a result, the body. We can bring our mind-body into harmony by not resisting the mind, but at the same time, not allowing the mind to run the show, so to speak.

So when we're sitting by a river or walking in the forest, we can send a message of understanding to our mind that there's no need to solve problems. We can say "Thank you, but not now. Perhaps later." We can use less mind and more body. When we focus on our senses, we become more mindful of ourselves and our surroundings. We deepen our relationship with the present perfect moment and the world as it is in its true beauty. When we do that, we focus on what truly matters and find beauty reflected in ourselves and everything around us.

This is mindfulness.

This is the Thoughtfulness practice of Matter over Mind.

 

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Associations

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In a recent post, The Functional Mind, I identified the three main roles of the mind; to identify, make associations, and store and retrieve information. This article more closely examines the process of making associations.

It is through the process of associating that some of our greatest human acheivments have been made. As I've mentioned, it is our ability to quickly make myriad associations between items and ideas that makes us uniqly human. It's what sets us apart from other animals; allows us to develop complex ideas, forms, and items; and it's also the process that often result in increases in anxiety. It's the last point that is a concern in the Practice of Thoughtfulness.

As we learn and grow, we come to recognize many things. We categorize those things and often think in terms of groupings, i.e., people, places, politics, etc.. Give someone a single topic and they can probably talk for hours about it, linking one thing to another and traveling down myriad paths as they are re-minded of more and more things through the process of association.

It's when the process of association happens without an awareness to our current needs, that it can cause anxiety.

When we make non-funcitonal associations, we risk causing ourselves anxiety due to regret and worry (feelings of disappointment about the past or fear about the future). Consider that when listening to someone telling you about something that is happening with them, you might be reminded of something that happened to you. You might then be moved to interject and start talking about it, telling the other person about it, sometimes as a way to show that you can relate and that you have empathy for them.

If the stories that we share are of a 'positive' nature, there's usually no harm in being re-minded of them and re-minding others, but when they could cause us anxiety (reminding yourself and others of 'negative things' beyond your control), choosing to think about them becomes a non-purposeful activity and can even cause emotional and ultimately, physical harm to yourself and others.

An example of non-purposeful (and potentially harmful) associating, might look like this:

You receive a utility bill in the mail. You open it and look at the amount. You think about having to spend that money on something that you barely noticed using and you feel taken off guard by this 'sudden' expense. You lay the bill out on your desk and are reminded of all the other utility bills that you have received in the past. You go to your filing cabinet and get out all your old bills, laying them out on y our desk until it's covered. You look at all those bills and think about all the money you've spent and how you could have used that money for others things that you enjoy. You figure out the total amount and feel a sense of dread as you consider how much you will spend in the future. It all seems so overwhelming. You feel anxious. You heart starts to pound in your chest and you feel flush. You can't see a way out from under this burden.

What happend here?

Rather than taking the bill for what it is: an isolated expense for services rendered, you made an association between it and similar bills from the past. You thought about them all at once and envisioned all future bills as one item. You created a mountain of anguish just through the act of association.

Is it reasonable to go to your desk and bring out all your past bills when you receive a new one? Of course not. Why would you do that? But - Many of us do this with our thoughts. When we receive a story or thought about a particular idea or event, we go into the files of our mind and pull out everything that we can associate with that item, even if it will cause us anxiety! We drag up old files (memories) and lay them out in front of us (in our mind). We think about them as a group, rather than individually. We create a mountain of anxiety out of virtually unrelated items. This is unconscious association or what we call the state of being Over Associated.

Rather than over associating, consider the following as an alternative to the above:

You check your mail and find a utility bill, like you do every month. You don't particularly enjoy having bills, but you know that they represent an exchange of energy between parties. As you pay the bill, you think about how wonderful it is to have water and power to use whenever you need it. You appreciate all the work that everyone at the utility company does to make sure that you have what you need. You remember how easy it made your life to have that water and power - as opposed to not having it. When you consider how much you did with those utilities, the amount you're paying seems small in comparison.

In the second scenario, you never associated your bill with other bills. Instead, you thought about all the good things that you did with the services you received as a result of your relationship with the utility company. Rather than feeling punished, you felt like you got a great deal. You changed your perspective from being 'anxiety-oriented' to being 'gratitude-oriented.' Nothing about the situation of receiving a bill changed–only your perspective.

Remaining neutral, objective, and not over associating items or ideas is at the core of the Thoughtfulness Practice. When we take each event in our lives just as it is, without making a lot of unnecessary and non-functional associations, we spend more time in the here-and-now, and we have the opportunity to express gratitude for the many gifts we receive each and every day.

Thoughtfulness Practices:

The next time you're talking with someone, when you find yourself re-minded of something outside of the topic of the conversation (something that your mind associated with in the conversation), rather than focusing on it, simply observe your mind's activity. Take note and stay focused on what the other person is saying to you. Rather than jumping to your own version of their story, ask them more questions about theirs. This will increase your conversational skills and shows true empathy and a desire to know what is being shared with you.

When you find yourself over associating (thinking about many things that are associated with something, without knowing why), simply take note and observe it as a process of the mind. Observe the way your mind jumps from one subject to another and stay attentive to what is happening in the moment, rather than thinking about the past or future. If your thoughts are causing you anxiety, identify that feeling in your body and invite it to expand into your understanding, rather than pushing it away.

When you are reminded of something that you would like to change, either take action in the moment or - if it's not the right time for action, simply observe that you thought of it and return to the present. You can make a note to yourself to take care of it when you have time and are in a position to do something about it. Until then, remain in the present moment to create more Quality Life Time (QLT). Quality Life Time is created when we reduce the amount of past and future in our 'beingness' and focus our energy and attention on the present. Living in the present is the most effective way to reduce stress, anxiety and fully appreciate all that life has to offer - and it's the only place that life happens.

The awareness and feeling of being alive is one of the greatest gifts we can enjoy. It doesn't take any special training, money, or tools, and everyone can enjoy it where they are - right now.

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Stories

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You may not realize it, but you think in stories.

The 'events' in our lives are stored in our minds (and to some degree in our bodies as well), able to be recalled and shared through what I call "storying," – the act of reciting past events and thoughts within the context of a conversation.

Maybe you know someone who often thinks and communicates through story. Maybe that someone is you! 'Storying' is quite common and often includes narrative, such as "I said..." and "then she said...,' etc.. It's a way to bring out detail, take the listener into one's world, and convey information. Where storying can become problematic with regards to Thoughtfulness, is when it is done unconsciously, without taking the listener or the context of the conversation into consideration.

What is unconscious storying?

Often, when talking to someone else, there is an exchange of ideas, thoughts, information, etc. This exchange, to be meaningful, follows a logical path from topic to topic, connected through 'bridges' of thought that span various subject matter and address the aspects of the participants.

Because of the power of the associative mind, the process of connecting one thing to another by identifying commonalities between things, ideas, or emotions, it is possible to quickly link to a story that may or may not have relevance in the present context of a conversation.

Something you can try, is to focus your attention on any item in the area where you are right now. Identify one thing, then see what your mind does. If you're like most people, you will be re-minded of at least one past event that involved an associated item. If you tell someone (or yourself) about the events that you associate with that item, you have created a story. Most of us have many stories we can tell about a particular item or idea. They often include times when we were having an emotional peak or valley (since those events tend to be imprinted on multiple levels; cognitive, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.)

One question we can ask ourselves is: "What is the purpose of my story in this moment?"

Often times, we tell a story simply because we're reminded of it. Sometimes, we even change the subject of a conversation to tell one of our stories. Sometimes we find ourselves waiting for the other person to leave a break in their story so we can tell ours! The process that results in our telling of a particular story has to do with two at least two aspects; 1) our perspective and 2) our orientation.

Perspective is the way we view something. Is the glass half-filled or half-emptied? Orientation is the way we view most things. Is life a struggle or an adventure?

Perspective is shaped by one's knowledge, values, beliefs, and ability to become aware of the many aspects of a thing or idea.A perspective may be broad or narrow. It may be deep or shallow. And it is almost always shaped by our orientation.

Orientation is shaped by combining multiples of the same perspective. Over time, we may choose to view things a certain way. This 'way of seeing' eventually becomes our primary way of seeing, to the point where our compass shifts, "True North" actually moves, and our ability to see the world 'as it is' is all but a fantasy, although ironically, we are often confident in what we see as truth.

Thoughtfulness seeks to re-orient the individual through cognitive mindfulness practices designed to increase functional perspective. Over time, the individual regains his/her orientation with the world and finds peace where there was once conflict and confusion.

How can we become more conscious of our use of story?

Individuals can use a Thoughtfulness Practice to gain insight into their choice of story, which intern will inform positive changes. Noticing associative patterns that result in story choices is the beginning to positive change. Managing one's stories and using them in a respectful manner is one goal of Thoughtfulness.

When we become aware of the forces behind our stories, we gain the capacity to shape our perspective and ultimately, our orientation. When we orient ourselves with the nature of the universe, which is love, we find ourselves, and in that we find both peace and power.

A Thoughtfulness Practice:

When in conversation with someone, note their use of story, paying particular attention to their perspective with regards to what is important to them. Observe how this relates to their overall orientation. Note how you use story, your perspective and orientation. Ask yourself:

- Why did I choose the stories I did?
- What about each story is important to me?
- What effect did my stories have on my emotions?
- What did I learn about my perspective and orientation?
- What would I change the next time to move my orientation in a positive direction?

More about stories

The stories we repeatedly tell ourselves and others about our lives shape and inform the quality of those lives. Some of a person's stories are self-created, but many (more than you might think) are provided to the person from birth. Stories about race, gender, religion, and other traits are embedded by parents, authority figures, and society in general. In some cases, stories about one's family or culture can change one's perspective and orientation to the point where he/she is not fully connecting with people (or the world in general) in an authentic way.

Becoming aware of our inherited and 'borrowed' stories can be a vital step in achieving a state of mindfulness and inner- and outer-peace. Other practices that relate to all types of stories will be addressed in other posts. Stay tuned!

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The Path to Mindfulness

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Mindfulness, the practice of conscious attention to the present moment while maintaining a non-judgmental mindset. This mind state has been to focus of Eastern practitioners for centuries and in recent years, has been of increasing interest in the West, as more and more people search for effective tools to help them cope with and manage what seems like an ever-increasing pace of life.

Neuroscience is examining the effects of conscious thought on people from all walks of life, including those who participate in various psychological therapies and those with specific needs. Studies are beginning to show that there can be measurable benefits from engaging in specific types of meditation practices, many of which include elements of mindfulness. It turns out that our minds are more plastic and receptive to conditioning than previously imagined. By actively participating in various thought processes, we can change our mental and emotional orientation, thereby increasing the quality of our thoughts and our lives. There are many different applications and approaches that incorporate and support mindfulness. Thoughtfulness is one of these approaches.

The Thoughtfulness Approach includes a collection of related practices. Thoughtfulness is based on several assertions that form the foundation of the approach. Some of these include:

  • The mind is a mechanism that decodes, associates, categorizes, stores, and retrieves data.
  • The mind produces myriad thoughts that are available for consideration, interpretation, and application.
  • Thoughts may be categorized according to their type, relevance, and usefulness.
  • Thoughts may be applied, discarded, stored, or transformed.
  • Thoughts often produce emotions, which are processed in a way similar to that of data.
  • Emotions are often felt in the body and may be processed in a number of different ways.
  • The mind/body is an empathetic system, and responsive to external conditions.
  • Thoughts and emotions are often over-associatioed and may result in misperceptions and dysfunctional thinking.
  • Dysfunctional thoughts and emotions may be cleared from the mind/body through the use of phycho-somatic processes, without the use of drugs or invasive procedures.
  • The tools one needs to effectively manage one's thoughts are universally available, regardless of race, gender, age, socio-economic status and spiritual or religious belief systems.
  • The Thoughtfulness Practice may be used in conjunction with spiritual and religious systems.

When practiced on a regular basis and with conscious attention, Thoughtfulness has the potential to reduce time spent in states of  worry, anxiety, isolation, loneliness, anger, bitterness, depression and fear. Thoughtfulness has the potential to increase enjoyment, raise self-esteem, increase productivity, elevate mood, improve sleep, boost energy levels, and increase a general sense of wellbeing.

Contact us to discover ways to incorporate the Thoughtfulness Practice.

 

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